Lost Focus

My husband is geeky and I find it extremely sexy. I love that he buys gadgets, takes them apart to figure out how they work and puts them back together. I love that he can look up in the sky and find stars and constellations within a glance. I love that he studies things and bombards me with random facts. All I can say, is that I think it is sweet.

However, all the dorky cuteness comes with a price at times. He is extremely analytical and will analyze a decision to death before coming to a conclusion. In contrast, I make decisions swiftly and decisively, but sometimes do not get all the facts. Both approaches have their pros and cons, and we end up complimenting each other in the end. However, it can be a painful process to get there at times. For example, large purchases can take twice as long as normal. We have been discussing purchasing a freezer since late November. In December, I sent him a link from Sears with options within our price range and qualifications that I felt we should purchase. Since then, we have also looked at more freezers from Costco to Best Buy. It is now February and we still do not have a freezer. A lot of times we end up circling back to the original options I proposed, but on numerous occasions we have saved lots of money and gotten a better product due to his thorough research. It is completely cute, but sometimes I do not have the patience to look at every single angle to make a decision.

Last night we were faced with a decision and after a big breakdown on my part, I was happy that my husband would not go along with my instinctive decision making skills. It started when we returned home from dinner. We were set or so I thought to being our progesterone shots that night, which would be 6 days before our Thursday afternoon transfer. As I mentioned in a previous post, I have not been as focused on the details of this cycle and much more laid back. Therefore, I did not read the paperwork and instructions they gave me before starting shots right away. As I pulled it out and we began reading, I saw that we were supposed to do the shot in the morning instead of the night like we did last time. Immediately, my stomach sank. My mind started racing trying to figure out how I could save the transfer day. I thought I could take the shot that night and call the clinic in the morning to see what to do next. (I was thinking it was similar to BCPs. If one is missed, it is taken as soon as it is remember and pick back up the next day.) Greg would not go along with it and insisted that we look at all our options and call the clinic to see what to do next. I did not want to bug a doctor on a Saturday night over my stupid mistake. He persisted that we do something different.

I broke down, like stupid, ugly crying broke down. I had been about thinking this cycle too long. The logistics were worked out. Greg had time off, and I rearranged my work schedule. Acupuncture and massage appointments were booked. I had been waiting for almost 3 months. I had timed it so that the transfer would occur on our 2-1/2 year anniversary down to the hour. It was cosmic and meant to be in my heard. I am just tired. I am tired of worrying, thinking and trying so hard to have a baby. I am sick of pregnant bellies in my face, friends complaining about their children and the Circle of Moms on Facebook. I do not even know what the Circle of Moms is on Facebook. I just know I want my freaking invitation, and I am tired of waiting, wishing and praying for my turn with no success. It all hit me at once. Greg just held me tight and let me cry.

Once I had calmed down, he convinced me to call the on call doctor at the clinic. I was surprised when one of the doctor's answered directly. After apologizing profusely for calling late on a Saturday night, I told her the situation. She explained the timing of the shot and the transfer, and said we had no other choice but to reschedule the transfer. She advised me to call the clinic first thing in the morning to find out our options. She was great and told me she was glad I called because the most important thing is to get me pregnant. I was disappointed, but the doctor put it into a better perspective for me.

This morning I called the clinic as instructed and talked to one of the nurses. She was able to schedule the transfer for 3:30 on Friday the 12th. The timing actually works better for our work schedules. The bad news is that Dr. NiceGuy is going out of town for a week and will not be able to do it. I am bummed because he has been so great, but more importantly I need to do this and move forward. In the end, it is just one day. The whole situations reminded me that there is much more work to do and I cannot loose my focus. Someday, someway, somehow this will all be worth it. Thank you Greg for being so damn analytical:). Without his persistence to look at it a different way, we could have completely messed up the entire cycle.