Saturday, July 24, 2010

Little Tid Bits

- We are in the middle of moving, so things are quite busy. Movers will be here on Monday. Final count down. Only 2 more sleeps until we are in the new house! Yay!

- I am a little "plugged in" and need to go on one of those Oprah spend a day without technology boot camps. Turns out my husband thinks this is a good idea because we currently do not have cable or Internet ready to go at the new house. I have tried to warn him how this may turn out, but I don't think he truly understands that this pregnant lady is going to go nuts when she doesn't get to watch Bethenny Getting Married on Thursday. This should be interesting. So, posts and commenting may be a little sparse for awhile.

- Beside the lack of TV and Internet, I am anxious that most of our furniture will not be delivered until the middle of August. Also, we do not have air conditioning in the new house. So far, we have had a pretty mild summer (Thank you, God). However, August might get a little tough. Women have babies in third world countries all the time in much harsher conditions, so I am sure I will be fine. However, I will still be a bit whiny.

- Scooby has her busy days and her down days. It still makes me nervous on the down days. I got so nervous about it the other day that I went in to get checked. The doctor was very compassionate about the whole thing. She told me not to worry about coming in that I had been through a lot and she wanted me to be comfortable. I have a super compassionaet OB and I am very thankful for that. I am working through the anxiousness aa bit better. Other than BabyWatch 2010 anxiousness, I am feeling pretty good.

I will keep up as much as I can over the next few weeks via my phone. In the meantime, I am going to be working on the two houses a ton and reading to relax. Take care!

Monday, July 12, 2010

The New Normal

I have a new obsession. . . I call it BabyWatch 2010. I am obsessed with feeling Scooby move. It has taken over hours of my day. I also freak out if I go too long without feeling or seeing a movement. Scooby thinks my probes, pleads and prayers to get her to move are annoying (I would too.). I know she needs her rest to grow big and strong. I do really try hard to give her the space she needs. I have been working to distract myself by packing for our move and exercising. However, I can't stop thinking about when was the last time I felt her.

Several times on this blog, I have mentioned that infertility has changed me. Up until this point, I have not been able to articulate exactly how it has changed me, but I have felt different. Recently, I realized that the difference is that I have become so much more vulnerable than I have ever been in my life. The 21 months it took to conceive this child and the additional 9 months of her growing inside me have opened me up to a whole new possibility of hurt that I never knew existed. Month after month of wishing and hoping only to be disappointed and hurt, showed me that I have no control over the situation. It did not matter how hard I worked or relaxed about it or read about it, ultimately I could not control how it hurt my heart each month. There was only so much that I could do.

I thought pregnancy would be such a huge relief with less pressure. I thought my nerves would calm at the possibility of a baby at the end of these 9 months. Instead the worry and vulnerability have increased to a whole new level. Pregnancy has brought on all new worries. There are a million useless questions that I have about what is going on or not going on inside my uterus that are not worth mentioning. They are no good except to make me worry. Again, I can stay way from soft cheese, nitrates, booze and caffeine all I want, but there is only so much I can do.

This is a vulnerability that I cannot ignore or run away from or even forget. It is in my face and my only choice is to approach it head on. It is scary and I am frightened on a day to day basis. However, I know she will be worth it and the worry has really only begun. This is my new normal and I am working on how to manage it. I will keep you posted on how that goes.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Crazy Lady

Hello, Crazy Lady. Not so nice to meet you. We recently bought patio furniture for our new backyard at Home Depot. Greg saw earlier in the week that the set is now $100 cheaper than what we paid for it a few weeks ago. Because we love to save a buck and we are spending a ton of money right now, I trekked 20 minutes over to the Home Depot to see if we could get a $100 credit. I mosied over to Customer Service. The guy told me he was going to be awhile with the customer he was helping and sent me down to the Contractor desk (clearly, I am not a contractor). One of the guys there asked me what I needed, and I explained to him what I was looking to do. He handed it off to another guy, who told me that I must go back to Customer Service. Then I kind of lost it on the guy. I don't know what came over me, but I just felt like the buck kept being passed around and that everyone else in the store was more important than giving me back my $100. If you knew me in real life, you would know that I am pretty patient and even keeled. Plus, I have worked in service and know what it is like for people to yell and scream. So, this was really out of character for me. I ended up not getting the $100 credit, but that is a whole other story. Turns out it was never $100 cheaper. Thanks for trying though, Crazy Lady.

After my Home Depot adventures, I headed to Wendys to get a Strawberry milkshake because all of a sudden the baby really really needed one. I pulled up to the drive through and placed my order. The woman informed me that they do not have strawberry just chocolate and vanilla. At first, I wanted to yell out my car window for everyone in line to hear "Then why do you have a beautiful picture of a strawberry milkshake with whip cream and a cherry on top on your menu tempting a pregnant lady?" Luckily, I was able to control my inner crazy and just told her that I was no longer interested. The good news is that there was a Jack in the Box close by and I was able to get one there. Thank you, Jack for helping out the Crazy Lady.

Now, I think I need to stay home and not talk to anyone until I can get the crazy a little more under control.