This week has been sucktastic, but also been such a reflection in the things that I have to be thankful. Sorry for the bullets, but below are my list of things that suck and things I am thankful to have in my life.
I will start with the sucktastic list, so that I can end on a happy note.
- It sucks just plain sucks no other words that we lost Scrappy.
- It sucks that we found this news out as we were coming out of the first trimester. We are now both gun shy about telling people. I feel like I worked hard for this and want to be able to celebrate it. I feel like Greg, Scooby and I all deserve to be over the moon and not gun shy.
- It sucks that every little pain I have right now makes me worry.
- It sucks that now we have a hard decision to make about whether or not to do an amniocentesis. Because it was twins, they did not do the normal blood work that accompanies the NT scan because the results can be skewed. Based on Scooby's measurements, it appears to be a 1:3600 chance of Downs. However, it is not as accurate as it could be, and can not tell us anything about other conditions. The only way to know is to do an amnio, which I did not want to do. I feel like I just had one loss and the possibility of another really scares me. We still haven't decided.
- It sucks that I can now see the worry on Greg's face that used to be exclusive to me. It is like he has lost some innocence. Really we both have.
- It sucks that even though I am out of the first trimester and feeling better, but I really want the reassurance of feeling like shit.
However sucky as those things may be, I have so much more appreciation for the good things I have in my life.
- I am so very thankful, happy and excited about Scooby. I want to scream it as loud as I can and I can not truly put into words exactly how I feel about him/her.
- I am incredibly thankful for my wonderful husband who has been a huge rock. I always knew I waited for the right man, but in a situation such as this, I know it even more than I ever thought I could. It is great to know he is there and will be there and will step up to the plate instead of running away.
- I am thankful for my in real life friends as well as my blog friends for listening and supporting me. Unfortunately, I know way too many people who have been there, so to hear some say they understand and know the pain makes me feel less alone. Even though I wish they didn't know the pain.
- I am thankful that nature took its course so to speak. This is the ultrasound that we would have found out something was wrong with Scrappy, and may have had to make that decision ourselves. To be perfectly brutally honest, I don't think I could have done it. I just don't think it is in me to do it. Not judging anyone who does, but I am just saying I personally couldn't. It sounds like a horrible plot on Private Practice (which I don't watch anymore by the way because of their ridiculous plot lines where people are faced with terrible decisions).
- I am thankful that we have a new house to distract me and help me move forward.
This week I learned more than ever that life is precious and delicate.