WARNING: I Am Feeling Really Whiney

- I am feeling pretty whiney today. I slept horribly last night and just have not gotten my groove today. I could not find some important documents this morning and I got pretty frustrated. I couldn't move some of the boxes that I needed to get into to look for what was missing because they were too heavy. I was just frustrated that I couldn't get done what I needed to do without help.

- My MIL is bugging me. She made some snippy comments this weekend that would normally roll off my back, but in my current state I am taking it personally. I know it is me not her.

- I am wanting to see my IRL friends right now, but am having a hard time getting schedules to line up.

- My poor husband, is a saint to put up with me right now.

- Things I have learned in my pregnancy. When you see a pregnant woman never comment on their size whether you think she is large or small. Always tell her how great she looks! Also, I know it is fun to buy things for babies, but there is a registry for a reason. I think my baby registry has way more useful things on it than my wedding registry. Yet, I have mostly gotten clothes from people.

- This time last year, I started lupron for the IVF cycle that created Scooby. I feel like I have been pregnant for 12 months already.

Sorry if this all comes off as whiney and bitchy about being pregnant. I will take the lack of sleep and crazy hormones any day to be where I am. However, that doesn't change the fact that this can be hard at times. 32 days left. Not that I am counting.

32 Weeks 5 Day Milestone

Please accept my apologies for once again going MIA. We are moved into the new house, but are no where near unpacked. We will get there. As I have learned the hard way, patience is a virtue. I have been back online for a few weeks with intermittent computer issues along the way. As a result, posting has been difficult, but I have tried to keep up on blogs and comment here and there. Now for a quick update:

- I bet you didn't know that 32 weeks and 5 days is a big milestone in a pregnancy, but it definitely is for me. In my mother's pregnancy with me, I was born at 32 weeks and 5 days (yes, I am so obsessed that I figured it out). It makes me feel good to get this far because I feel I don't have any obvious issues from being premature 37 years ago. I am sure there are things that I have dealt with along the way that I never realized because I do not know any different. However, I feel like I have led a normal life and makes me feel good to get this far. While I would prefer that she make it to at least 37 weeks, I know that is possible for her to come now and be OK. The doctor surprised me the other day telling me that they would just let labor happen at 34 weeks. Wow!

- Speaking of doctors, my ob left the practice about 2 weeks ago. Yes, 2 months before giving birth I am starting over with a new doctor. The same thing happened to me at the fertility clinic and it turned out better. Therefore, I am taking it in stride. I have met two other doctors in the practice since then and like them well enough. It really isn't that big of a deal because I get whichever doctor is on call the day I deliver, so there is a chance she wouldn't have been there anyway.

- Acupuncture and therapy have been helping a lot with my anxiety. I also feel like getting farther along has helped too. Her movement is still amazing!!! I love it. I still get worried if she has a "lazy" day. However, I am getting better at dealing with it. The other day instead of obsessing I went out and bought some baby books. I am finally reading them and preparing.

- I am also working at getting things prepared for her arrival. I refinished an old buffet that we used in our dining room to use as the changing table. We are getting a crib from a friend that is in the process of transitioning her 3 year old to a big girl bed. It is one of the Pottery Barn recalled ones. However, they have the fix for it. We decided that we would rather have a crib that has been scrutinized and fixed then one where they are still waiting to find problems. I ordered a glider last week and it may or may not be here before she arrives, but I am not going to stress over it. We are getting a co-sleeper from a friend. We got a pack and play at the Target baby sale. My MIL has been busy buying baby clothes. We had a bit of a run in last week because she bought all kinds of fleecy and furry clothes in a size 9 month. The problem is that she will be 9 months old in August. While it is not super hot here anytime, fleece and really furry jumpers may not work. She said that she will probably be able to wear them sooner and they would be appropriate. That may be true, but at this stage of the game we have no idea of how she is going to fit into things. Babies in my family are typically small. Plus, neither my husband nor me are very big people. I am not expecting to have a gigantic kid. However, this is one of those we will just have to wait and see what happens and I am not going to battle it too hard right now. Trying to choose my battles.

- My shower is in two weeks. I am pretty excited because my Mom, best friend and another friend are coming in from the East coast. I feel really honored that they are coming this far to be here for it. I didn't expect that at all. I know when I moved 3000 miles away that having everyone participate in things is not realistic. It is just the way it goes.

- We are in the middle of a 6 week childbirth/breastfeeding/newborn care class. It has been great to be around other pregnant women. There are two that have the same due date. We still need to do infant CPR/ First aid and child seat safety. My MIL is also going to take a grandparents class. Greg has really enjoyed being more involved in getting ready.

- I don't talk about my work in at risk preschools much because of privacy reasons. However, for the last two years I have worked 2 days a week in a preschool with 6 week to 18 month olds. Many of these young kids are facing a lot of difficulties and trauma and have been removed from their homes at a very young age. The preschool that I work in is fabulous because it is giving them consistent loving support on a daily basis. Many people asked how I could face this while dealing with infertility. However, I will tell you that it is one of the main things that got me through those hard times. I felt many times that I needed these kids to help fill the hole in my heart as much as they needed me to help rock them to sleep. Their issues were not their fault and I felt like I was doing something to help make it better for them and me. I also learned soooooo much from the amazing teachers there that I will use with my child. If I have any advice to those still in the infertility trenches (if they still even read this blog), is to find a child to help make that hole in your heart a little smaller. It may hurt or sting a little, but I can say from experience that the time I had to learn from these children has already made me a better mother. The reason I am bringing this up now is because yesterday was my last day with them. My belly is getting in the way, and it is for the best. However, I will miss them so much. They made me a beautiful painting that will go in the baby's room to remind me of those difficult times and all they taught me.

So, that is what has been going on with me for the most part. I will work hard to continue to post more regularly. In the meantime, take care!