Where I am

Recently, I could not get in to see my hairdresser to get my hair cut and had to see one of her colleagues. I have another friend that sees this woman as well, so I knew she would be able to do the job and I could trust her skills. However, it was the longest haircut of my life. This woman went on and on about her boyfriend and all the drama that is going on between them. Then she asked me how I knew that Greg was the one for me. Instantly I had the answer, it just works. There is no drama. I know with confidence that I love him and he loves me. It just works. It is challenging, but not hard.

This conversation made me realized that I have crossed over to the smug marrieds (Bridget Jones fans) side of the fence. Basically, smug marrieds are to single girls what fertiles are to infertiles. I have been in this woman's shoes before fretting over a boyfriend and wondering if he was the one in the midst of some drama. I could understand her dilemma and my own relationship past from an entirely different perspective because I am on the other side now.

I understand that one of things that held me back when I was dating was that I compared everyone I dated to someone else I dated from my past and projected some of those feelings onto them. Greg was the first guy that I did not compare to someone else. He wasn't Kirk who wanted me to be someone I wasn't. He wasn't Zach who said I didn't challenge him enough. He wasn't Matt who cheated on me and gave me the lamest excuse ever for his inability to stay faithful. Once I met Greg, I understood the stupid saying that bugged me the most when I was single "He's just not into you." Greg treats me the way I deserve to be treated. He is kind, thoughtful and compassionate. I am not saying we do not have challenges, but we keep working on them to the point where we both feel better.

Lately, I have been really struggling to not be so stressed and worried about whether everything is OK with Scooby. I want to enjoy being pregnant and not constantly worry. In the last month, I have seen Scooby on the ultrasound once and on the doppler once. I also started to feel some flutters here and there within the last few days. In my heart, I know everything is OK. However, after months and months of disappointment and then loosing a baby has jaded me, which makes it hard to believe that this could be "the one". The baby that could be different. The baby I have been dreaming about since I was a little girl. The baby that will recognize my voice and calm at my touch. This baby is not like the others that broke my heart. This one could be different.

It took a long time to find Greg. There was a lot of soul searching and lots of loosers, but I finally met the best guy for me. It makes it all worth it. I keep telling myself that come November, I will be able to say the same thing about Scooby. That makes me really excited!!!!! So, I am working on it and getting there, just not completely there. One day at a time, one week at a time, one month at time.